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The Working Dead


“I’ve got an idea for a t.v. show. The Working Dead. It’s like The Walking Dead but in an office setting. The zombies stumble around their cubicles dropping files and trying unsuccessfully to pour cups of coffee in the break room. At lunchtime they eat each other.”

“Zombies don’t eat other zombies, Dude. They want warm, living flesh.”

“Oh. Okay. Then they have a subsidiary company of living people they feast on.”

“Good for a couple of episodes. But what happens when the subsidiary all become zombies?”

“Well, see. They are a giant multinational corporation that gobbles up smaller companies worldwide in an effort to kill off all life.”

“Old news, Dude. Old news.”

###

Exit with a Smile

Play Russian Roulette with 6 bullets in the chamber

Agree to go first

Treat your suicide as performance art

You’ll miss the applause

There won’t be an encore

Find a Nazi to make of you

nice lampshades, cakes of soap

overstuffed pillows

Donate your organs to be harvested

while you watch

with a martini

Shove a stick of dynamite up your ass

Light the fuse with the help

of a mirror

Try not to fart

Join Anna K. under the wheels

of a moving locomotive

after you’ve checked your bags

in the coin locker

Or with Sylvia, your head

in a cold oven

gas turned high

Take a nap in the car

purring in the closed garage

with Leonard Cohen on the stereo

Asphyxiate by drowning or noose

or dry cleaner bag

or face-up under the cheeks of a fat girl

who has trouble “getting off”

A shoving match with a vending machine

over a lost quarter

A high speed road trip

with a fifth of Jack Daniel’s

and a friend for company

for eternity

Finish all your prescriptions

at one time

so they don’t go to waste

Don’t bother to consult the dosages

You won’t need refills

On safari among the big cats

naked

slathered in bacon grease

without weapon, ammunition or remorse

A non-stop diet of cured meats and liver pate

washed down with diet soda

The long way home

Practice your high wire act

for the first time

while a little tipsy

carrying a shifting load

Tell your girlfriend she probably should

go to the clinic

to get tested

Fuck yourself to death

explode with multiple orgasms

That’s the ticket

Enter with a cry

 

Exit with a smile

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