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Broken Vessels

Addressing the Board of Trustees and Other Assembled Cocksuckers


Perhaps we’re all insane. The only difference is that some of us know it and others don’t. Some of us can fake being normal for a while but it leaves us beleaguered, bedogged, bedraggled and ultimately bamboozled. I faked it for years but like a broken vessel my true personality would always leak out and leave a stain on the freshly shampooed and vacuumed carpet of my life.


When I was in the corporate world I had many occasions to address Executives. I had a reputation as an accomplished public speaker but, truth be known, this is how I always wanted to open:


“Please understand that I am not looking to offend any of you motherfuckers and those of you who know me well know that, at my best, I can be one charming sonofabitch so I’m asking, pleading for you assholes to ignore my lying, thieving and whoring side and to listen to me for just one goddamnminute.”

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